The Phantom and I
by souteneurette
Summary: Originally, this was made for a random play we had to act out in Creative Arts. So the character names (except for The Phantom) have nothing to do with The Phantom of the Opera. This is so random... But it's COMPLETE! Please RR.


The Phantom and I  
The aftermath  
  
Characters:  
  
Dai: Chorus/Dancer Phantom: (As himself) Katie: Lead vocalist Stephany: Chorus/Dancer Dina: Manager/Solo vocalist  
  
These four American girls are part of a professional dancing/singing group called Bailamos. They are now part of a cast in the Opera House, as they are in the newest production, 'Untitled'.  
  
SCENE ONE, ACT ONE  
  
(In Dai's dressing room, in the Opera House. Dai secretly wishes to become the lead singer. As she puts on her dress, she sings silently to herself. Her voice Is like a tinkling bell. During this, the group is rehearsing.)  
  
DINA: The lot of you sucked! BREAK!  
(Dai wanders from the group. She looks at old posters from the  
productions of Hannibal and Il Muto. One poster catches her eye-  
printed on it are the words 'Don Juan Triumphant'. She touches  
it, and the wall opens. She gasps. She's just about to enter,  
until she hears STEPHANY calling after her.)  
  
DAI: Coming, dear! KATIE: (Singing extravagantly. Her voice cracks, and she takes a drink of water.) DINA: (Looking frantically in a closet) I hate these closets! STEPHANY: (Waiting for Dai) DAI: (Finally comes in) You know that story about the Phantom? (No one answers) Well, is it true? KATIE: Who knows! DINA: Who cares! DAI: Bet he's hot! STEPHANY: Bet he's not! DINA: Dai, don't trip! You know how dumb you sound right now? DAI: (Twirls) 360! STEPHANY: You guys, the only way to find out is to look for ourselves. Then we'll know fo' sure. KATIE: This is all nonsense! You're wasting all of my time! (Flips hair) We have much to do! Vamos!  
  
(Once again, Dai wanders from the group. She returns to the room  
with the posters. She pushes the correct one, and it opens. She  
walks down the winding path and rows the boat. Candles rise from  
the stage as she enters the Phantom's Lair.)  
  
PHANTOM: Brav.. Bravi.. Bravissimi!  
DAI: (Jumps, and runs about hysterically. She runs into a wall,  
but the Phantom catches her. She begins to sing)  
PHANTOM: (In the middle of her song) Hush, woman!  
DAI: I know you! I saw you at the circus!  
PHANTOM: (To himself) My identity has been revealed then!  
DAI: (Doesn't hear him) Who exactly are you?  
PHANTOM: I am the Angel of Music!  
DAI: Eh?  
PHANTOM: You can call me Erik.. (Scratches his mask)  
DAI: Fascinating. I'm Dai.  
PHANTOM: Don't ever say that name in my presence!  
DAI: What name?  
PHANTOM: Don't play smart with me?  
DAI: What?!  
PHANTOM: No more of this nonsense!  
DAI: Let me start over. I'm Dai.  
PHANTOM: Noo!  
DAI: Dai.  
PHANTOM: Noooo!  
DAI: What's so bad about it? It's kind of like the morning day.  
That's why I was named Dai. Because I'm bright like the sun!  
PHANTOM: I'll tell you why! A decade ago, I fell in love with  
a beauty, an Angel of Music, a woman by the name of Christine  
Daaé. But, she left me for.. RAOUL! (grumbles) Now, I'm left  
along. And Christine is dead. Blast her.. and.. RAOUL took my  
music box. It used to make me go to sleep when I was scared.  
DAI: (Raises an eyebrow) But what happened to Christine? How  
did she die?  
PHANTOM: She realized her mistake on judging my looks first.  
She'll never have a manly man like me!  
DAI: Maybe you should take the mask off?  
PHANTOM: Noo!  
DAI: Come on! Lemme see! (Reaches for it)  
PHANTOM: It's mine! (Covers his face)  
DAI: (She finally pulls the mask off of his face. She stares at  
him for a while)  
PHANTOM: You prying little Pandora! Damn you! Curse you! You  
lying little Delilah!  
DAI: Where have I heard this song before?  
PHANTOM: It's on my latest soundtrack. Phantastic Phantom:  
Part III  
DAI: I'll check into that.  
PHANTOM: (Holds out his hand for the mask. Dai looks in his  
hand to see if there is anything in it)  
DAI: What?  
PHANTOM: The mask, please.  
DAI: Oh yeah. But Erik, may I try it on?  
PHANTOM: You may.  
DAI: (She puts the mask on)  
PHANTOM: Simply gorgeous!  
DAI: Me?!  
PHANTOM: (While putting on another mask) Of course!  
DAI: Well, I could've told you that!  
PHANTOM: Dance with me! (The dance together, until she hears  
the clock strike twelve)  
DAI: I must go..  
PHANTOM: They'll be waiting!  
DAI: I'll come back!  
PHANTOM: I'll be waiting!  
  
(She takes his hands. Then, she walks off and his hands are still outstretched)  
  
SCENE TWO, ACT ONE  
  
(Dai is now upstairs, and the group is, of course, rehearsing)  
  
DINA: Yo! KATIE: Did you see him? STEPHANY: Was he there? DINA: Was he hot? STEPHANY: Was he not?! DAI: PLEASE!  
(They become silent)  
DAI: There was just a man.. in a mask. He was kind, and  
compassionate. But, something about him was cold.. and mean! KATIE: (Not believing her) Come on, dear, you must be tired! STEPHANY: She should rest. Yes! Rest! A splendid idea! DINA: Come along, little dearie. I'll shall tuck you in, and kiss your head, and read until you sleep!  
DAI: (over their giggling) STOP! (They become silent) I shall  
rest when I desire. Leave me now, and go on with your business.  
KATIE: Come along, girls! (She waits until they all leave,  
and then flips her fur scarf and walks off in a huff. Dai sighs)  
DAI: (To herself) I wish I knew more about the Phantom! (A book  
entitled 'More about the Phantom: An Intriguing Mystery' falls  
from top stage) How convenient! (She reads it, and the girls are  
twirling back towards DAI) KATIE: Oh, so you needed to read a book, eh? (Snatches it out of her hand) DAI: Nooo! KATIE: (Squints eyes) I thought you said you were tired! DAI: No I didn't. You told me to go to sleep. 'Cuz I'm delusional! KATIE: Don't mock me! DAI: Please, let me have my book back! KATIE: (Reads the title aloud. The other girls giggle) STEPHANY: Dai, you have got to get yourself a real man! Not a.. phantom! DINA: Maybe he's hot! STEPHANY: Maybe he's not! Do you ever notice that Dai ALWAYS goes for the.. LESS attractive men! DINA: Maybe it's what's on the inside, not the outside. DAI: Ewe! I don't examine my men by cutting them open! STEPHANY: Or.. do you?  
KATIE: Hello! Do any of you guys realize that you're  
messing up my solo for some stupid, made up Disney character?!  
DAI: (Standing on her tip toes) I resent that!  
DINA: Oooh!  
STEPHANY: Dai, don't bother. She obviously swallowed too much  
stage makeup. (Everyone but Katie laughs)  
KATIE: Fine! You'll all be sorry! You'll see, one day, I'll  
be the best singer! IN ALL THE LAND! (exits stage, running,  
while pointing index finger in the air)  
STEPHANY: Bummer.  
DAI: (Sobbing) He's not a Disney character!  
DINA: Err..  
STEPHANY: Of course he's not!  
DINA: Remember, even if you DON'T find him, I'll still think  
you're stupid just the same.  
  
SCENE THREE, ACT ONE  
  
(This scene starts with DAI, DINA, and STEPHANY sitting down in DAI's dressing room)  
  
DAI: So you guys wanna know something? DINA: Sure STEPHANY: What is it? DAI: Oh, never mind. But I'm glad you guys stayed here with me!  
(KATIE comes running in. She pounces on DAI's bed.) DAI: What's up? KATIE: I lost my train of thought, and got bored. What are you guys up to? DINA: We be chillin' STEPHANY: Totally ranky on the street! DAI: In mah crib! KATIE: (Looks both ways) Er.. that is wack! DAI: (Humming the Phantom's song) DINA: Ugh, shut up!  
  
DAI: (Puts her hand in DINA'S face) I do what I want! KATIE: That's a perfect intro for my solo! STEPHANY: (Stands up) And my solo dance part! (Twirls) DAI: But, that's not my song. You can't use it. KATIE: You're not my mother! DAI: Thank the Lord! KATIE: Well, anyway, I'm going to practice. Anyone else coming? STEPHANY: Haven't we practiced enough? DINA: My hair's about to fall out! DAI: Don't worry, Dina. Your hair looks totally fab! DINA: Super!  
KATIE: Come on, Stephany! We will practice our solos, and  
leave them to the chorus and background dancing!  
DINA: Good luck..  
KATIE: We won't be needing it! (Flips hair)  
STEPHANY: Err.. yeah. See you guys later. (Exits with Katie)  
DAI: (Trance-like) I saw him  
DINA: Saw who?  
DAI: You know! (Taps foot)  
DINA: Uh.. hmm.. who did you see..  
DAI: Take a wild guess!  
DINA: TONY THE TIGER! TOTALLY WILD!  
DAI: (Strangles her) No you moron! The Phantom!  
DINA: Hey, you're supposed to be the moron!  
DAI: Oh yeah..  
DINA: So, what about the Phantom?  
DAI: I saw him?  
DINA: Where?  
DAI: I can't tell.  
DINA: Why not?!  
DAI: Because you don't believe me!  
DINA: Yes I do!  
DAI: Do you want to see?  
DINA: No, I don't wanna. I gotta!  
(Dai takes her to the room with the posters. She stands in  
front of the correct one)  
DAI: Here, touch that!  
DINA: I don't trust you.  
DAI: Oh, come now! All you have to do is touch this... (Puts her  
hand on it, and the wall opens)  
DINA: What's with the broom closet?  
DAI: Remember, I'm the dumb one  
DINA: (Sigh)  
DAI: Follow me. (She shuts the wall behind them)  
(DAI leads DINA down the winding path towards the  
PHANTOM'S lair. DINA'S steps are slow and quiet as they approach  
the boat)  
DINA: I don't want to.  
DAI: No, you don't want to. You got to! (Shoves DINA into the  
boat)  
(In the background, the PHANTOM'S voice is audible)  
DINA: He's good!  
DAI: I know (Says dreamily. They follow the sound of the  
organ.)  
DAI: That's him! Do you see?  
DINA: Ewe! He's an ugly old man!  
DAI: No he's not! Oh, and you can call him Erik!  
PHANTOM: Who calls my name?  
DAI: 'Tis I!  
PHANTOM: Who is that there with you?!  
DINA: I am Dina.  
PHANTOM: Interesting. Comes over towards DINA. She gasps at  
the sight of his face.)  
DINA: What's wrong with you? DAI: Shh! He's sensitive! PHANTOM: (Cocks head to one side) DINA: Sorry. I would shake your hand.. but I have arthritis. PHANTOM: Shame.  
DAI: Look, Erik. Dina here isn't too good with people. She  
prefers people on her intellectual level. (trying to sound  
smart)  
PHANTOM: I understand.  
DAI: Will you come upstairs?  
DINA: Noo!  
PHANTOM: I don't like the upstairs. They ruined my box five  
seat!  
DINA: That's a relief! (hides spray can)  
DAI: (Gasp) Err.. anyway.. why not just sit in box four?  
PHANTOM: Are you sure I'm wanted up there?  
DINA: On second thought..  
DAI: Oh course!  
  
SCENE FOUR, ACT ONE  
  
(KATIE and STEPHANY are still rehearsing, although STEPHANY is  
visibly tired)  
  
KATIE: You need to put more energy into it!  
STEPHANY: (Trying to lift a leg) No.. more.. energy!  
KATIE: Well, do you want to do this or not?  
STEPHANY: (Sigh) Of course!  
DAI: (Sneaks in)  
KATIE: (Sees her) And where are we going?  
DAI: Oh, Katharine! Did ya think I wasn't coming back? I love  
you way too much! And my second thoughts are to try out that  
solo with you, or maybe make it a duet!  
KATIE: Splendid! I knew you'd have a change of heart. Just  
come right over here.  
DINA: Oh me too! (Runs in)  
KATIE: Explain yourself.  
DINA: I want to dance, or sing. Whatever comes first.  
DAI: Spare us.. (giggles)  
DINA: I wouldn't talk.  
DAI: (Flips hair) Hmmph!  
STEPHANY: Oh! Did you see the Phantom yet? (KATIE and STEPHANY  
giggle)  
DAI: Maybe, maybe not.  
KATIE: What's that supposed to mean?  
DINA: Well first of all, he DOES have the name.  
DAI: Second, he doesn't like to be called 'Phantom'.  
(The PHANTOM escapes back to his lair)  
DINA: And that name, is Erik! (waits for him to appear)  
DAI: Err.. yeah!  
(KATIE and STEPHANY break into hysterics. DAI runs  
offstage crying. DINA exits also. The lights dim)  
  
SCENE ONE, ACT ONE  
  
(It is the premiere of 'Untitled'. KATIE and STEPHANY are the  
soloists.)  
DAI: (Sighs) If only.  
(The curtain rises and the play beings. KATIE sings, STEPHANY  
dances gracefully around DINA and DAI)  
(As the play progresses, the PHANTOM is climbing upstage during  
KATIE'S solo)  
(The play ends.)  
(Applause) KATIE: (Bowing) Thank you! It takes a great deal to think of your own music! DAI: (Rolls eyes) STEPHANY: (Bow) (Wave)  
(The PHANTOM jumps downstage)  
(Audience shrieks) PHANTOM: It does take a great deal to write your own music! DAI: (Sigh) PHANTOM: (Takes her firmly, but not fiercely, by the wrist and disappears)  
(All gasp) DINA: Sweetness! KATIE: I'm ruined (cry) STEPHANY: Told ya he wasn't hot! KATIE: (To DINA) You! This is all your fault! (High pitched squeak) DINA: No it's not! KATIE: What's not? DINA: Huh? KATIE: Yeah.  
  
(Curtains close)  
  
END OF ACT ONE  
(Intermission)  
  
SCENE ONE, ACT TWO  
  
(In the PHANTOM'S lair, DAI is sleeping on a large canopy bed.)  
  
PHANTOM: (Playing at the organ. Stops occasionally to write music down.) DAI: (Approaches quietly) PHANTOM: (Scratches mask) I smell... Dai.. DAI: (Runs quickly back to the bed and pretends to sleep before he turns.) PHANTOM: (Turns, but DAI is in the bed) Damn chorus girls!  
(DINA enters) DINA: Aww (looking at DAI) She looks so ugly! PHANTOM: (Doesn't hear her) Indeed! DAI: (Tackles DINA) DINA: (Falls) (Grumble) Stop being manly!  
PHANTOM: (Writing music) I could n ever stop being a manly  
man! (Flips hand under hair, even thought it is gelled down to  
his head.)  
DINA: Eesh! (Holds a pillow on DAI'S head)  
DAI: Eee... Eee!!!!  
(KATIE and STEPHANY are heard in the background)  
PHANTOM: I'd best write a letter to those two!  
DAI: (Pops out)  
PHANTOM: Ahh you're awake!  
DAI: Of course I am! (Shoots a look at DINA)  
PHANTOM: Come, see my new work!  
(DAI and DINA walk over)  
DAI: (To DINA) Isn't he a genius?  
DINA: He's crazy just like you, but that doesn't make you a  
genius.  
DAI: (Grumble)  
PHANTOM: These are for your two friends (Hands her two  
envelopes)  
DAI: Katie and Stephany?  
PHANTOM: (Nod)  
DINA: Freakay! (Smells DAI) What are you feeding her?!  
PHANTOM: I forget...  
DAI: Oh.. you left some cheese on my pillow!  
PHANTOM: Err..... YEAH!  
DINA: Oh gosh..  
DAI: So Dina, where is Katie and Stephany?  
(PHANTOM growls)  
DINA: Practicing.. couldn't you guess?  
PHANTOM: And all night! Blast them!  
DAI: Well, I slept nicely!  
DINA: Do Phantom's sleep?  
PHANTOM: Yes, only if they're not busy writing!  
DINA: Spiffic!  
DAI: Ow.. my head.  
PHANTOM: I'm afraid you drank too much last night as well.  
DAI: Blimey!  
DINA: And I wasn't invited?  
PHANTOM: I can only disappear once you know.  
DAI: Hmm (rubs head)  
DINA: Dai, you need to come upstairs. Katie is waiting for you.  
DAI: Must I?  
DINA: I'm afraid so.  
DAI: Oh, alright.  
PHANTOM: Will you come back?  
DAI: You know it!  
DINA: Ugh..  
PHANTOM: I'll be waiting!  
DAI: (Holds hand out)  
PHANTOM: (Holds hand out)  
DINA: (Watches confused.) (Holds hand out)  
  
SCENE TWO, ACT TWO  
  
(DINA and DAI enter upstage. KATIE and STEPHANY are sitting  
down)  
  
KATIE: (Clings to DAI) You were right?  
DAI: No, I was left!  
STEPHANY: (Clings too)  
DINA: (Gets confused again) Am I missing something? (Clings too)  
DAI: Oh you guys.. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten angry.  
Oh, and these are for you (Hands her the letters)  
KATIE: (Reads it out loud) To the lead singer- If you  
continue to sing, I shall have to introduce you to my fist..  
DINA: Ohhh!  
STEPHANY: (Reading hers) To the solo dancer- If your steps got  
any louder, the stage might break. Signed, PTO.  
KATIE: Dai, I knew you wanted to be the lead singer (flips  
hair) but this isn't the way to go about it!  
DAI: I didn't write those!  
DINA: Yeah, they're from Erik.  
STEPHANY: Right..  
KATIE: Are you talking about the guy who dressed up as a  
phantom last night? (Holds out white mask)  
DAI: Hey, that's mine!  
STEPHANY: I'll take that as a confession!  
DAI: Noo! You don't understand!  
KATIE: We know your little tricks! You probably just hired  
some.. magician.. yeah that's right.. and gave him this white  
mask. Just to scare us.  
DAI: Noo!  
KATIE: Yes!  
DAI: No!  
KATIE: (Darkly) Yes!  
STEPHANY: Wait, if this Phantom is real, then why don't you  
show him to us?  
DAI: Because- I know you'll hurt him!  
KATIE: Trust me, if I didn't hurt you yet, why would I hurt  
him?  
DAI: Because.. because..  
STEPHANY: I'll take that as a confession!  
DAI: You can't tell anyone  
KATIE: Fine.  
DAI: Swear!  
(Beep noise)  
DAI: Not that swear!  
KATIE: Oh.. fine. I swear.  
DAI: You swear what?  
KATIE: I swear I won't tell anyone.  
DAI: You swear you won't tell anyone what?  
KATIE: I SWEAR I WON'T TELL ANYONE WHERE THE PHANTOM LIVES!  
STEPHANY: I'll..  
DINA: Don't even start.  
DAI: Okay.  
DINA: (Stands still) Dai.. do you hear that?  
(Phantom's voice becomes louder)  
PHANTOM'S VOICE: Ignorant girl! This slave of fashion! Looking  
for my lair!  
DAI: Angel, I hear you! Speak, I listen. (stops singing) Tell  
Katie how dumb she is!  
KATIE: I'm not dumb!  
DAI: I know.  
KATIE: Oh Dai! (clings to her)  
DAI: KATIE! (cling)  
PHANTOM: (Appears) How pleasant.  
STEPHANY: See! He's not hot! I WIN!  
DAI: (Stands next to the PHANTOM) You see, Stephany, it's not  
about what's on the outside. It's about what's in the inside.  
DINA: But Dai, I thought you didn't examine your men by cutting  
them open?  
DAI: I do now! (Smiles, and winks)  
STEPHANY: (The Brady Bunch theme song begins to play) Let's  
dance!  
(They all dance as the curtain closes and the lights dim)  
  
FINAL SCENE  
  
(In the PHANTOM'S lair, where it is redecorated)  
KATIE: Totally groovy!  
STEPHANY: Spec!  
DINA: I never knew Erik was a hippy!  
DAI: He's my wild child! (Both turn towards audience. They are  
wearing masks with flowers on them)  
STEPHANY: So I guess we know fo' sure now!  
KATIE: Definitely ranky!  
DAI: In mah crib!  
DINA: On the street!  
STEPHANY: Say it loud!  
PHANTOM: (Look at them and jumps up) YEAH BABY, YEAH! 


End file.
